WHAT MAKES A BLESSED MARRIAGE
Marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman to be joined together as one flesh, this concept has different definition, but the above is the biblical definition.
To make a marriage work both parties have to join hands together to make the walk fruitful, the couple must know that they are coming from different family background and need time to adjust and blend together, there should be room for adjustment; some useful tips on how to live a fruitful life are as follows:
- COMMUNICATION: This is a vital tool for a successful marriage, couples that express their minds tends to live in a healthier environment as ones faults and wrongs are ironed out instead of it been bottled up, it helps to remove friction from the union. Never assume your partner knows what is in your mind, you have to voice it out.
- ADJUSTMENT: Try to adjust in the first years of your marriage, the person you were with during your dating process will be different during marriage, some couples always have hitches at this time, but a large room for adjustment and improvement will make this period hitch free.
- UNDERSTANDING: This key is very powerful as it help to remove tension in the home, know your partner weakness and try your best to compliment, never use a weakness to insult your partner, know each other very well to the point of predicting each other response to a particular action in your partner absence, explore all means to know your partner as this will bring lasting joy to your home. Study each other to blend to the new person, try to adjust to the new person as you move from one stage to another in your glorious union.
This is a very important tip to make a successful marriage,in this busy generation couples tends to loose this to working hours, the friendship that was very visible during courtship starts to wane, i will advice couples to strategically plan how to still feed their friendship state while still married, marriage without friendship will be boring.
- MUTUAL: The First letter in marriage start with and I term it Mutual,husband and wife must have mutual concept toward a project, I mean convergent views to issues and financial project, when this is in place achieving that goal and finishing that project is realizable in no distant time, but if the couples have divergent view to a proposal achieving it will be slow or impossible.
- EXTENDED FAMILIES:They are your family relations either from your husband side or wife side, you must try to be at peace with them and flow along with them, whenever they are around necessary adjustment should be made to ensure peaceful stay. Parental Offering should be practice as this will make the bond stronger.
- LOVE:This play a pivotal role to all the tips that will make for a successful relationship, below are the description of love;
- Love goes with sacrifice
- Love is expensive
- Love is giving
- Love is beneficial
- Love is peace
- And God is Love
- LOVE IS:
|Slow to SUSPECT||but||Quick to TRUST|
|Slow to CONDEMN||but||quick to JUSTIFY|
|Slow to OFFEND||but||quick to DEFEND|
|Slow to EXPOSE
||but||quick to SHIELD|
|Slow to REPRIMAND||but||quick to FORBEAR|
|Slow to BELITTLE||but||quick to APPRECIATE|
|Slow to PROVOKE||but||quick to CONCILIATE|
|Slow to HINDER||but||quick to HELP|
|Slow to RESENT
||but||quick to FORGIVE|
|Slow to DEMAND
||but||quick to GIVE|
As stated above , Love is practical, do all these and see your home Heaven on Earth.
TIPS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
Some of the tips to a healthy marriage are itemized below, I will like you to carry out a self examination, rate yourself on how much score you have on them, no matter the outcome, follow these tips and see your home experiencing heaven on earth.
- Love for extended families
- Avoid gossips
THE FOUR WAY TEMPLATE
one major tool we use to communicate is the mouth, its very powerful and as such must be used properly, I call it the four way template, when these is properly understood, the level of peace will be enhanced in the home, I call them the what,how,where and when template.This template is applicable to both the husband and the wife and the children.
The what[content] talks about the message content you want to convene to the opposite party, you must weigh, screen the message, you know your spouse more than any one , you know what he will heal that will trigger his/her anger, the next phase is the how, now you to communicate a good message, this is not enough, saying it properly matters a lot, a good message/ request but communicated wrongly may lead to your request not granted, its like pumping clean water through a rust pipe, now you have chosen the right channel [how] the next phase is the where[place] ,saying something at the right time make your request powerful, it gives life to your well channeled message, imagine using a tap to pump water to the ocean, it’s a good idea but the place is wrong, raking that same pipe water to a neighborhood without water will see that gesture commended, the last but not the least important template is the when[time] template, a good well channeled positioned idea is not complete yet for a target to be attained the time you introduce this message matters, ther are message that are time dependent, no matter how hasty you need the response you have to wait for the right time, Naomi understood this time template as she sold the idea to her daughter inlaw Ruth as at the right time to approach Boaz in Ruth 3:3 but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking, until here talks about time and her destiny change, a complete understanding of these four template will bring peace and joy to your home.
USE OF WORDS
Children they say are gifts from God,care should be taken to handle this project seriously,many at times they tend to misbehave thereby causing you to discipline or flog them,care should be taking not to curse them as this tends to affect them in future, rather we should address the spirit that is making them to misbehave. Use your mouth to bless them, please note that the effect of cursing or using abusive words on your children is that, it separate them from parental covering making them cheap prey for the enemies.
Also husband and wife must not use abusive words at each other.
TALK BACK REFLECTOMETER
In life there are times one need to slow down and take a stock of things that have been happening, the same applies to courtships and marriages, intending couples, husbands and wives should create time at least once in a month to evaluate their relationships, homes and ask some questions, and with this form of reflection, communication can be strengthened and frictions removed.
PARENTAL DUTIES TO CHILDREN
** Train them in the fear of the lord, Proverbs 22:6, 10:1, 13:20, 14:1, 13:24. Do not spear the rod and spoil the child, don’t forget to bring the children for dedication, this is the formal handing over of the child to the guidance of God.
** Do not curse them, even if they do something you don’t like, caution them without cursing them, words are powerful, PROVERBS 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
** Give them quality education; this is the only asset you can give them not money, cars or houses.
** Make time to know their well-being, you must not be so occupied with your career and don’t know your children are faring, create time to play, chat with them, let them ask you questions, let them share what is bordering them to you, a parent that doesn’t make time to answer their questions will expose those children to mis-information from friends, let there be no gap from you and them, they must communicate with you freely.
** Do not provoke your children to anger, Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath….
** Give your children meaningful names, this is very important, remember God have to change Abram and sarai’s name to Abraham and Sarah respectively, it will also interest you to know that when Jacob had an encounter with the angel in Genesis 32:27-28 all the angel ask was his name, if name was not important he wouldn’t have not, it will interest you to know that without a good name you can’t access your blessings, his name was change to Israel, he understood this principle well that’s why he change the name of his last son from Ben-oni to Benjamin, Genesis35:18 And it came to pass, as her soul was in departing, (for she died) that she called his name Benoni: but his father called him Benjamin.
** Pampering and siding a child is not advisable, show them equal love and discipline.
** Disciplining the children must be mutually done, if the father discipline more than the mother, they will see that man as a wicked father, and the effect of this is enormous, mutual discipline is highly recommended.
** Leave a good legacy for your children; it will interest you to know that you can also leave spiritual legacy four your children as King David did that make God to say he will never lack a man to sit on his throne.
** Divorce doesn’t only affects the couples but also the children, the effects are enormous.
THE PRAYER ALTAR
Prayer is the act of communicating with God, it is a two way exercise, you speak to Him and He respond to you, while the altar is the meeting place between you and God. Today way of life is very fast, we live in a busy society and which tends to systematically make our prayer altar cold, which ought to be hot, I will suggest that our time should be prioritize and our prayer/devotion time not yanked off, remember the family that prays together stays together and that home will ever be loving and fulfilling.
THE X-RAY MEANING OF MARRIAGE
M MUTUAL : Two to become one, you are now inseparable and indivisible.
A APPRECIATIVE: Appreciate/compliment each other good works.
R ROLE MODEL: Act wisely; the younger ones are watching you, be a good example to them.
R RESPECT: Respects each other, marriage does not give room for competition, things must be done with courtesy.
I INTEGRITY: Integrity is one of the lifelines to a lasting marriage; both couple must protect their integrity, no room for adultery and other habit that will tint your image as a man or woman.
A ACHIEVEMENT: All the things you hoped for during courtship will start to be visible, only be expectant.
G GROWTH: You must give room for growth, as years goes by you develop experience and move beyond temptation, quarrels and other marriage threatening vices.
E ENDURANCE: You don’t leave your matrimonial home because of any reason, if there is a lingering habit that have stay for long you have to fight to finish, quitters don’t win, you have know that you can only be victorious when you endure to the end.
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND TO WIFE AND CHILDREN
** Love your wife and your children as the head of the family.
** Provision of spiritual, family and domestic needs 1 Timothy5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
** Beating of wives is an old fable now, treat her well, don’t hit her,correct her with love.
** Trust your wife
** Honour your wife 1 Peter 3:7 …giving honor unto the wife…
** Be faithful to your wife
** Complement your wife in domestic affairs.
THE ROLE OF WIFE TO HUSBAND AND CHILDREN
** Love them Titus 2:4 …to love their husbands, to love their children…
** Respect Ephesians 5:33 …the wife see that she reverence her husband.
** Submission 1 Peter 3:5 …being in subjection unto their own husbands.
** Develop a gentle and a quiet spirit 1 Peter 3:4 …quiet spirit…
** Cases were you are more learned or have higher academic degrees, it should not determine the way you show love to your husband, there is place for home and academic qualification.
** Be a good home maker Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good…
** The women should be quick to observe any changes in the lives of their children, when the mood, character, of your child changes, call him/her and know the reason, an observant mother should be able to know when their children changes the way they eat, talk, walk, attitude , if he/she is keeping to him/ herself ypu know there is something he/ she is hiding from you, it is very important you monitor them and curb wrong influences before they get out of hand, do not use your career as an excuse.
THE MATHEMATICS OF MARRIAGE
Someone may wonder, mathematics of marriage, what is this writer saying, we all know that in the outside world [1+1=2], but this is not so in the marriage ]school, here [1+1=1], until the mystery of this calculation is understood, you cant enjoy marriage to its fullest, it means the wife came to fill that vacuum in your life and didn’t come as a separate being, she is living in you, you cant beat her because you can not be fighting with yourself, don’t see any investment done on her as waste or external, its to your body too, also we have calculus in marriage, the branch of calculus is the integration aspect, when King Solomon was integrated with respect to King David his father, he was able to enjoy God protection and blessings irrespective of his shortcomings, the grace of the father spoke for him, but when Rehoboam was integrated with respect to King Solomon he got nothing, his father have turn the spiritual account red, the grace the father left for him could only give him two tribes, also remember that biblical exponential equation of one chasing a thousand and two putting ten thousand to flight, the union between the man and the woman give them this exponential synergy for unimaginable accomplishment;
10 ^3 =1000
Deuteronomy. 32:30 … one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight…
THE CHEMISTRY OF MARRIAGE
The previous section talked about the mathematics in marriage, we all know that a bond exist between the man and the woman, so we can’t help but discuss the chemistry of marriage, here we will be highlighting the chemistry in marriage, this is what I call Vander Waal’s forces that hold the bond of marriage, they may seem irrelevant but they play a major role in the marriage bond, some of the points are listed below;
** Celebration of wedding anniversary, this goes a long way to renew the wedding vows, it’s a means of refreshing the vows and make the vow to be immortalize in the couple’s mind, most couples don’t remember their wedding date, year, tell me how will those couple remember their vow and keep to them.
** The cooking of the food should not be the sole responsibility of the children, the wife should prepare the food, and also serve her husband, it adds strength to the marriage bond.
** Most homes reserve the best things for the unseen visitor, things like cutleries, bed sheets, glass cup, tea mug and others , its not a good trend, the man of the house and the family should access the best things at home, it may sound irrelevant, but is important.
** The man/woman should not share the leadership of that home with the devil, don’t introduce rules that are anti marriage, love charm, pornography, masturbation and other bad habits should not be introduce to the home.
** The husband should complement her wife in domestic work, if possible get house helps to assist, if all the domestic work is let to the care of the wife, she will be older than her age due to the stress, and you may not appreciate her now.
** Surprise gift should accompany your home, sometimes when you are coming from work, buy something for your spouse, the wives especially love these surprise gifts.
** The husband and wife should choose themselves sweet names, like my love, my A1, my honey and others, you will notice I personalized the name it mustn’t be open, my love is different from love.
ESSENTIAL QUALITIES OF FAMILY STABILITY
** Agreement: Agreeing on a project, goal makes it achievable.
** Appreciation: Compliment each other.
** Commendation: Commend each other in areas of food, dressing, speech, promotions and other things, it boost confidence.
** Communication: The couple must communicate freely, open to each other, no malice.
** Forbearance: This creates a large room for improvement, knowing that there is room for improvement, this is the shock absorber to marriage, always give room for second chance and improvement.
** Forgiveness: when a spouse apologizes for a wrong doing, forgives her/him, don’t habour hatred, forgive and forget the wrong.
** Tolerance: Tolerate each other mistakes and shortcoming.
** Understanding: This is the pivot for a lasting marriage, study each other often, you don’t stop studying, be flexible.
** Faith: Build your faith on God, believe your home will experience peace and fruitfulness.
MAINTAINING PEACE IN THE FAMILY
The subject of peace is not new to a person or couples who want their homes to be heaven on earth, as steps are being taken to ensure this value is in place, highlighted below are some peace stealers in the home;
1. ARGUMENT: This is a verbal dispute that arise when each party have different facts backing a particular topic of discussion, it can be between the couple or either of them with the children or any with an outsider, this has proven to be the major cause of rancour in the home,as either the man or the woman want to be crowned the champion on the subject of discussion. What I will advice is that couples should desist from anything that will lead to quarrel, and secondly when the conversation is taken the intonation of an argument, one party either the husband or the wife should withdraw and accept defeat,after all there is no trophy for the winner.
2. COMPARISON: This is an evaluation of the similarities and differences of one or more things relative to some other or each-other, in this context, it is the differences.
It can also be defined as the process of measuring ones outcome with another person’s,when comparison is not carried out logically as in done in a way to make it look like advice or corrections, the party on the receiving end will end up feeling bad,and most especially if it was carried out at the wrong time, this may lead to peacelessness, and this can hide some unique trait in that fellow, the remedy to this effect is to stop comparison at all levels and try to makes mends suitable for your family pattern,the couple you are comparing your wife,husband or children with have their own cross they are carrying.
3. Offence: This is when a party action or talk create displeasure in the other person’s feeling, it must be guard against, we must learn not to misinterpret situations and read another meanings to discussion, couples must learn to say their mind always,never carry any grudge against your spouse, it retard growth and development in that family.
4. Recounting Past Errors: Once a matter or issue has been resolved it should not be revisited,brooding on past offenses and errors means that you just forgave and didn’t forget, the maturity you exercise while forgiving the wrong should also be extended to forgetting, because not letting go of the past will trigger ill feeling and will metamorphasize to mood swing and latter result to bad outputs, that day’s work will be in a mess,and your colleagues will take their share,the heart can only pump blood and not for storing people’s wrongs.
5. Nagging: To repeatedly remind or complain to someone in an annoying way, often about insignificant matters.
To bother with persistent memories. Most men don’t like a nagging scene, for peace to reign in a home this must be dealt with, there is difference in expressing your mind maturely and nagging, there is a right approach to every thing.
6. Indecision: The inability to decide on a course of action, especially if two or more possibilities exist. I will advice the couple to wait till a unified decision is reached,it might take time,but wait as this will prevent retardation that will result if the couple is pulling the string of course at opposite ends, as the slower the completion of the project or reaching the set goals, the more tension is being incurred,and as we know tension and peace can’t be at the same side, when it comes to making a unified decision, the couple should speak with one voice it makes the conclusive decision forceful and achievable in record time.
7. LIE: A deliberate false statement; an intentional falsehood.
A statement intended to deceive.
This vice is not needed in relationship as the truth will be uncovered one day, and once this happens, your words will never hold water and this will mark the beginning of trouble, please save your home from all the effects associated with lying, it takes the grace of God to be delivered as you need a lie to cover another lie, I always say that there is the right approach to every situation, always strive to maintain peace by telling the truth at every level.
8. Disrespect: To show a lack of respect to someone or something.
The truth is that a home void of respect will have many friction and peace cannot thrive in such environment,we must learn how to accord to each other the respect due to that fellow and this is the grease that removes rust that would have clog the marriage wheel.
Be committed to making your home excellent.
Do the work required for peace to reign.
Know the right approach to all situations.
Be committed to setting up an environment for peace to thrive and flourish and lastly
Have a positive mindset.
If there is any home going through any challenge,I will like the couple to use thís questionnaire to find the needed solution in other to enjoy marital bliss:
1. Have I truly left my parent?
2. Is my parent interfering in my home?
3. Is my parent the one deciding what happen in our homes?
4. Have we cleaved together?
5. Are we truly coupled?
6. Are we united i.e. One?
7. Are we compatible? If yes why divergent ideas?
8. Are we relating properly as husband and wife are suppose to?
9. How submissive am I to my partner?
10.Do we still Love each other?
11. Are we still compatible?
The information on this page will address some challenges that you may be facing, and if your desired answer was not addressed, please leave a message in the comment/reply box below for the counselor as we will be ready to give you professional advice.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured,please don’t die in silence.